The beauty of this song has made me cry multiple times.
I first heard the song "You Make Me Brave" by Amanda Cook and Bethel music about a year or so before our daughter arrived. At that point, we had been waiting for 2 years to adopt again: twice the amount of time that the average couple waits. I was filled with so much fear. I was afraid that God wasn't going to bless us with another child. I was afraid that I had misread God's leading to start the adoption process again. I was afraid that I was just plain wrong about God: that He wasn't loving or faithful or good.
When we went through IVF, I went through a dark period when I was very angry and disillusioned with God. I felt that He had let me down and left me alone. I didn't want to go back to that dark place and was fighting to believe God's promises. This song inspired me to be brave in the middle of a long, hard wait. The truths presented in the lyrics motivated me to continue to walk in the direction that God was leading us in spite of the unknowns.
Now in this battle with cancer, this song has encouraged me once again.
You are for us, you are not against us
God is on my side! God allowing this stupid cancer to invade my body is not a punishment. It does not make Him the enemy. It is not Him "being mean" to me. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
Being near the ocean is always such a powerful experience for me. I love the sounds, smells, and sight of the water moving over the sand. I am not a fan of swimming in the ocean though...too many shark sightings recently. So the image of God calling me away from the security of the shore and into the uncertainty of the waves invokes conflicting emotions. I feel both fear and excitement about what God can do.
When I first heard this lyric, I felt that God was calling me to minister to women who were dealing with infertility. This is around the same time I started blogging. Today, God calling me away from the shore looks quite different.
Today He is asking me to trust Him with my health and with my kids. He is asking me to trust Him as He leads me through this storm.
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way
There is nothing like cancer to draw out every possible fear that I have ever had. From a fear of needles and hospitals to the fear of being absent from my kids, I am being forced to face them all. I have always had this fear that something would happen to me and I would not be able to take care of my kids. It is so tough for me to even type that! You know how they say that most of your fears never come true? Well, one of my big ones has. Honestly, I don't know how to fully process that at this point. I am choosing not to dwell on it and instead to refocus on what God has to say about fear:
"Perfect love casts out fear." 1 John 4:18
"God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"
2 Timothy 1:7
"Nothing can ever separate us form God's love...neither our fears for today or our worries for tomorrow." Romans 8:38
No fear can hinder now the promises you made
I love this line because it speaks to God's sovereignty. NONE of my fears are big or powerful enough to change or block God's promises. He is never going to leave me. He is in complete control. None of the craziness of the past month has shocked Him. All of us are being held in His hand.
"Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us--to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."